I make art.  Musical art, sound art, visual art and sometimes multimedia art.  I make art because I have to.  Creation has been the only consistent element of my life that has always made sense to me.  Everything else sometimes makes sense and sometimes becomes a clusterfuck.

Much of my artwork, specifically my music, is informed by a life altering experience I had when I was 27.

In 2017, I did ayahuasca and experienced elightenment psychosis transcendence schizophrenia. . . something. Divine madness perhaps?  I am still trying to figure it out.

2 weeks after taking part in an ayahuasca ceremony in Spain, I started believing I was a divine prophet.  I was hospitalized in a psychiatric facility in London for 2 and a half weeks before being released when my father flew over to accompany on the journey back.  I was convinced I was invincible, could teleport anywhere I wanted to go and could communicate telepathically with anyone around the world.  I thought I could heal people just by looking at them or touching them.  I was putting cigarettes out on my arms, eating receipts because I thought I could download information that way and a few times almost killed myself just to prove I would come back right away.  I am extremely lucky to be alive, and I am pretty well convinced I did indeed die in many other fracturing universes.

Also, it was fucking awesome.  For me.  It was fucking stressful for everyone else in my life.

This state of being lasted for 3 months, during which time I was hospitalized 3 more times, spent all of my money and racked up a large amount of debt, lost all of my guitar students and other streams of income, damaged many of my professional and personal relationships, was physically assaulted twice for freaking people out, got an absurd tattoo on my forearm that I later had to get removed because it inadvertently looked like a robot dick, and  got evicted and had to move in with my parents.

It was wild.

After 3 months, I abruptly snapped out of it.  It was this surreal experience akin to unplugging from a virtually reality video game that I had been playing for 3 months straight.  I remembered everything quite clearly, so as the consequences of my actions of the last 3 months began stacking up, I quickly fell into a state of despair and severe suicidal depression.  Everything I had worked towards for my entire career was in pieces.  I had no money and no way of making money.  I was living with my parents.  I had repeatedly embarrassed myself in front my entire community, whether through behaving like a literal manic, to neglecting all of my responsibilities, to adding an immense amount of stress to my family and friends.  I stopped creating during this time.  I stopped doing everything.  I felt like an empty shell of myself and had no idea how to move forward.

After about 6 months of misery, I forced myself to start making music again.  I started pouring my depression and memories of the experience into a series of songs, which eventually became "The Voices Are Gone" EP.  I performed a release show publicly and discovered that in order to properly heal, I needed to be as open as humanly possible about what happened.

Mental health is fragile and needs to be maintained.

Go to therapy.  Meditate.  Journal.  Exercise.  Make art.  Talk to someone.

Psychosis is real and can happen to anyone.

I truly believe to this day that what I experienced was real.  I was God.  I just forgot everyone else is too.

If you know someone who is experiencing psychosis, listen to them.  Do not invalidate their experience.  Trying to convince them that what they are experiencing isn't "real" is is counterproductive and might cause them to lose trust in you and feel more isolated.

What they are experiencing is "real."  Our brains generate our reality based on inputs from the outside world. Just because the reality that your brain is generating fits with the majority of those around you does not make it more valid.

Anyway, thanks for reading this!  Life is a trip.  Art is fun.  Be goofy.  Tell your friends and family you love them.  Make something. Help someone.

Big love goodbuddies.